How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
zippers are such a cool invention
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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