I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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