Me too!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
