Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
