didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
