Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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