is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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