I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
