this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
