I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
