Yo dont text me then not text me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
