she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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