I met the friendliest cop last night
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
