Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
