If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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