dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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