A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
