i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Boobs speak an international language.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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