My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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