I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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