I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
