Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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