Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
