I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
