I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
