4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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