I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
