I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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