literally had 100 drinks last night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
