just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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