we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My pussy is not your playground.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
two words: eviction party
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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