I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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