A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
