what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
