I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
