im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
