And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
