Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
