Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
