u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
