I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it glows. i had to have it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
