We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
