He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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