I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
