I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
