just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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