garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
