Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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