If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
