Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
