i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
