tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
