it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
