I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
