How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
