It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
