; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
