Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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