I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
